Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
