ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
