I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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