Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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