How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize