Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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