He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
