he shaved USA in his pubs
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
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