I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
