I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
