I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
