thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
