make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
