It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
