My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
