I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
