oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize