I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
