Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize