i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
