Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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