I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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