i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
