I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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