So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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