Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
