My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
