Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
