His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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