If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
