You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
