Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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