Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
