and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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