come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
