I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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