She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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