How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
