I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
