just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
