We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
