Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
