You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
