They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She bit a glass in half.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
