Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize