If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
