id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
