Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
