So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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