She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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