1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
