you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
