ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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