Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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