"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
