My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
