96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
where are you?
Hypothermia
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
