Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
