It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
