I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
