i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
