no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
