Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
