Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
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