No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
