Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
