It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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