i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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