You really coming over, don't trick.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
