drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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