maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize